


Letters

by songspinner9



Category: Merlin (BBC), Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songspinner9/pseuds/songspinner9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It occurred to me watching the season 3 finale (for the er, fifth time), that Gaius seemed unsurprised that Merlin had contacted Lancelot.  And how exactly did he do that anyway?  Then I watched one of the deleted scenes and this plot bunny hopped into my head…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The BBC owns this incarnation, mythology the rest...  
> Spoilers up through the end of Season 3...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has an idea...

Lancelot had just relaxed enough on the lumpy bed the inn provided to start drifting to sleep when someone started pounding on his door. With a groan, he rose to answer it, running one hand over bleary eyes and grasping the door handle with the other.

“Sir, a message was brought for you this night. I thought you’d rather have it sooner than later.” The lad held out the rolled parchment nervously.

“My thanks. Now leave me be.”

The warrior bolted the door and went to sit on the edge of the cot. He broke the seal and frowned at the empty parchment. Who knew he was here? Who would… A sudden grin came to his face. Lancelot ran calloused fingers around the edges of the scroll. A magical password, then, perhaps? He spoke his own name, feeling a little silly. When nothing happened, he tried several other words, with no results.

He put it on the bed and strode to the window, staring into the night sky for a moment. Then it came to him. “Gryphon.” He whirled, laughing at the sudden sound of the parchment unrolling itself, and hurried to pick it up and read the clear, if rather messy handwriting…

 _Lancelot – I knew you’d figure it out! I hadn’t thought to do this before and I’m sorry. Aside from Gaius and my mother, you’re the only one who knows about my magic, and this letter is spelled to only be visible to you. You know I can’t risk letting anyone else know. It is so difficult to hide all of this from everyone and I’m glad we have each other’s trust. You didn’t tell anyone, and that tells me loads about you. I’ve missed you. And not just your sword-arm, although there have been several times it might have been useful. But having someone to talk to, who sees me for who I am. A friend. I understand why you left, but I can only wish for the future. I know you will be on the move for a while, but at least you’ll know how it is that I can tell where you are. I’d hope you are safe, but I know what a warrior’s life is like. So just be careful. Now that you have this, write on the other side when you have need – it will be instantly seen, only be seen, by me on the twin to this parchment. I will be sure to check it once in a while._

 _-Merlin_

 _Merlin – It is good to hear from you, my friend, and to know that you are still safe. It has been difficult, yes, but I’ve left some of the mercenary life behind for now. I truly believe now that I can take a different path. I’ve spent time of late offering my sword for protection. I’m in a village just south of Mercia’s border. Bandits have attacked this place in the past month more than once, and I spend my time offering my help in exchange for a place to stay and food to eat. Not easy work, since I have more to do with repairs to a roof here and helping with crops there, but it feels better to my soul. There has been more than once that I wish you were here with your “old tricks”. Tell me of Camelot when you can._

 _-Lancelot_


	2. Second Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the death of Freya, Merlin writes to the one person he can tell.

"Is that enough for you, sir?" The serving boy held out a plate of simple food, and Lancelot took it with a smile.

"That will do, lad. My thanks." He ate his fill of the stew and drank the ale that had been left, and then reached for the pack. It had been almost two weeks since he'd last heard from Merlin, and he thought perhaps that he ought to check.

 _Lancelot – I hardly know how to describe the past few days. I’ve no one else aside from Gaius who knows and understands and even he doesn’t know the full tale...perhaps I've gone a bit mad. There was a girl. And you can stop laughing, right now, my friend. There was a girl. And she was amazing and beautiful and funny and magic. And all of it didn’t matter because I couldn’t protect her, not from the king, not from anything. She became a friend, and then more, and she was like me. She had magic, too, and I made her smile with mine. She’d been cursed to be a monster, and I couldn’t save her from Arthur’s sword. He’ll never know and I don’t blame him. He was saving all of us and he’ll never know who she really was. She’s gone now. I tried my best to take care of her but she died and I laid her to rest. I only knew her for a matter of days, Lancelot. I’d ask you if that was enough to be in love, but I know that you know the answer to that question already. And if this is anything close to how you felt when you left, I’m so sorry. I wish you could have known Freya. I tried, I really tried, but to shield her from the knights would have meant revealing myself, and if I’m dead, I can’t protect Arthur. You must think I’m mad, Lancelot. This hurts. I can’t tell him, and he knows something’s wrong. You know Arthur, though – he acts the prat to cheer me as he can, even not knowing why I’m quieter than my usual self. No one will know what happened to her or where she lies now. She has no one else to remember her._

 _-Merlin_

 _Merlin – I of all people would never laugh. Not at this. You loved someone, and that is a sort of madness, yes, but not of the wrong kind, my friend. If you loved her, I know she must have been special. You will remember her and that will be enough for now. And one day, you can tell me more, and perhaps others will know someday[. I wish I could be with you now, to help you through your sorrow. Know that I am thinking of you as always, and hoping that the day will come soon that we can speak again in person. Arthur’s new world will come soon enough, and you and I and so many others will be able to step out of the shadows._

 _-Lancelot_

The young warrior capped the inkwell tightly and carefully stowed it along with quill and magicked parchment in his pack. The thought came to him that he was almost glad he wasn’t in Camelot, since he his heart sank at the thought of Merlin’s own heart being broken as it clearly had been. He hoped that Gwen and Gaius, and yes, even Arthur, could bring a smile to the boy’s face again soon. He lay down, stretching out tired muscles, and blew out the candle.


	3. Third Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a calm moment, Gaius discovers what Merlin has been up to...

_Lancelot – Oh, you would have loved to have been here for the last few days in Camelot! We almost had a new queen. Uther was all set to marry this woman, and even Arthur was getting used to the idea, and Gaius and I discovered that the woman was actually a troll in disguise! A real troll, with warts and a horrible face and all that. We managed to expose her for who she was in time, but oh, if you’d have seen the king’s face…_

Merlin paused in his writing, chuckling to himself. He had just finished adding the juicy details to the tale and had murmured the spell to send the message when Gaius came in.

“And what is that, my boy?” The old man’s eyebrow was raised when he saw how Merlin tried unsuccessfully to hide the parchment.

“Er, it’s…”

“Merlin?”

With a sigh, he laid the quill down onto the table. “It’s a letter. I’ve been writing to Lancelot, telling him of things happening here.”

Gaius sat down opposite Merlin at the table. “So you know where he is, then?”

“Not always. Only if he mentions it. Lancelot knows. About my magic, so I used it to contact him.”

“He knows and he has not betrayed you? He is truly worthy of being a knight.” The old man picked up his mortar and pestle and started grinding dried herbs together.

Merlin smiled at his mentor. “Yes, and I hope one day he will have that title. Friend is a good rank for now, I think.”

“Indeed. And how did he find out, hmmm?” The healer tapped the pestle to free it from leaves and began to grind again.

“Well, the gryphon, for one.”

“Ah, then when Arthur said that Lancelot killed the gryphon….?

“Oh, no,” Merlin exclaimed. “He did! But with the lance that I made strong enough. And he saw it. Sort of hard to miss, since it exploded with blue flames.” He grinned impishly at Gaius. “And then when we rescued Gwen, he was there, too. I didn’t do anything obvious except in front of him.”

“Well, then…tell me about the letters. How does your magic work its way into this, Merlin?”

“I laid a spell on two pieces of parchment…”


	4. Fourth Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Dragonlord, Merlin finds that he must make a journey. He will not be as alone on the road as he thought...

_Lancelot – I find I must write these words to someone. My father is dead. I knew he was my father for only a few days and he knew me as his son for only one night. And now I must travel to Ealdor and tell my mother, who kept that secret as well as mine for so long. How can I dash her hopes to shards? How can I hurt her? I’m supposed to protect her and this is one secret I will not, cannot keep from her. I’ve lost him protecting Camelot, and no one knows who he truly was except Gaius. I leave for Ealdor tomorrow. Arthur liked my mother when they met, and I know that he’ll let me go for a few days, even if he does not know the true reason for my journey. Maybe on the road, I’ll figure out how to tell her what I can hardly write, and am not allowed to speak until then._

 _-Merlin_

 _You should not go alone, Merlin. I cannot countenance the idea of you traveling that long way alone and unprotected. Do not scoff at that. I know you can defend yourself, better than most, but you do tend to attract trouble, after all. Please accept the help and company of a friend. If, as I hope, you read this before it is too late, look for me on the road._

 _-Lancelot_

“Merlin,” Arthur said gruffly, leaning against a pillar, “Take one of the horses. Be sure that you take at least a good blade with you. You’ll be traveling alone after all.”

Merlin huffed out a breath as he stuffed a few more things into his satchel. “I’ll get something from the armory, but I’ll be meeting someone partway to Ealdor.”

“Good.” The prince watched silently for a moment, clearly trying not to ask for details, and then again broke the silence. “And you should take some extra supplies with you, for your mother. I’m sure we can spare some extra food.”

“Thank you, Sire.” Merlin murmured. He yanked the fastening shut. “I’ll stop by the kitchen before I leave.”

“Take your time. Make sure all is well before you return. She’s a good woman, Hunith.” He walked over to the other man, clapping him on the shoulder with a smirk. “There will be plenty of castle repair jobs for you when you return. Watch yourself on the road, Merlin. Try not to fall off the horse too many times…”

“Oh, that's lovely. Thank you very much.” Merlin shook his head, exasperation warring with mingled grief and affection. “I’ll just be off to the kitchen, then.”

Hoisting the satchel onto his shoulder, he headed off, only to meet Gwen in the corridor.

“Merlin! I was just coming to find you. I packed some things for you, food and extra water.” She smiled at him and handed over a well-loaded bag.

“My thanks, and that, I’m sure, of my mother, Gwen.” He gave her a quick hug, but pulled back quizzically when she returned it one-handed. “And what is that behind your back?”

“I...Arthur thought that perhaps a length of cloth, for a new dress for her. “

“Oh, Arthur did, did he?” Merlin reached behind her with a grin to take the folded fabric that was neatly tied with a green ribbon.

“I may have suggested it.” Gwen admitted, rolling her eyes.

“Well, thank you, again, both of you.”

“And be careful!” she called after him as he headed toward the stables.

 

The fire was crackling, sending off little sparks into the cold night air. Merlin poked it a little with a long stick, watching the rabbit turn on its makeshift spit, but was startled into a defensive crouch when he heard a twig snap.

“Easy, Merlin.”

“Lancelot. Sorry.” Merlin gasped, falling back onto his log seat, heart pounding. “Still a bit jumpy, I suppose.”

“I can see that.” Lancelot moved, quietly this time, to secure his horse next to Merlin’s. He undid the pack across its back and laid it down, and moved to sit next to Merlin on the log.

Merlin fidgeted for a long moment, finally reaching for one of the spits and offering some rabbit to the other man. “I’m glad you’re here.” He pulled out some of the bread Gwen had given him.

Lancelot nodded his thanks and ate silently for a while. Then he started to reach out a careful hand but drew it back and rested it on the rough bark between them, waiting. “Will you tell me?”

Merlin took a shaky breath. “His name was Balinor.” The words came tumbling out of him, and the other man listened patiently. Everything he’d held in for days…the twinned anger and wonder at the discovery, the anguish of not being able to heal his father, anger at the forced separation so many years ago, pride and sadness at taking his father’s place to control the dragon.

Later, when he was reduced to whispers of “it’s just not fair…it’s not…”, Lancelot murmured words of agreement and drew him into a tight embrace, and let him give in to the tears not fully shed since the dragonlord had died. And as the fire died back to little flames licking around the coals, Merlin lifted his head from his friend’s shoulder to let his weary eyes flare gold, ensuring the fire would keep them warm through the night.


	5. The Final Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From hiding, on the run, Merlin sends one last letter - this one is a plea for help.

Crouching down in a ravine near the cave, Merlin stared at the parchment in his hand. They needed help. They did not have enough food for a stay longer than several days, and there were too many of Morgana’s soldiers around to make many more attempts to find more supplies. He could not bear seeing Arthur so broken, so silent. No strength, no insults, no complaining, just…shattered. And Merlin truly hoped this message would get to their friend in time…they were truly in need of all the help they could get. No ink, no quill, no…oh. Of course. He lifted his free hand, whispering the spell. Glittering gold to match the flare in his eyes, before darkening to the color of oak-gall ink, the words flowed onto the page.

 

 _Morgana has taken Camelot for her own with Morgause’s help and Cenred’s army. She is Uther’s daughter, and claims the throne for herself. The king is imprisoned, and Arthur and I have escaped into hiding. I do not yet know Gwen’s fate, nor that of Gaius. I can only hope that you are still as close as Haldor, where you were when last you wrote. Hurry. You are needed._

 _Merlin_


End file.
